Kenzie's latest words.
TV Lessons
By Marilyn Mackenzie
May 5, 2003

The debate rages on about whether or not TV shows,
movies and music lyrics influence the lives of our
youth. It's a silly debate, in my opinion.
Everything we see and hear affects us in some way.
And, as the saying goes, "Garbage in, garbage
out."

One only has to remember how TV, movies and music
affected the lives of Baby Boomers. Oldsters I call
this generation to which I belong.

After Mr. Rogers went off the air, Focus on the
family published an article about how wide was his
influence on the American public. I realize now
that I tucked some of his messages away, not even
realizing that I had done so.

I know now that when I came home and immediately
traded my business suit for shorts and a tee-shirt
and sat on the floor playing with my son, that I
was trading one identity for another. Mr. Rogers
taught us the importance of doing that each time he
shed his suit coat for a sweater, or his dress
shoes for tennis shoes.

When I changed clothes, I changed from business
manager to mom, and with that change came an
attitude adjustment as well. My home was never as
organized as my office, at my choosing. In my
opinion, real life cannot be orchestrated. Children
are only with us for a short time before they are
gone and on their own.

When they are young, their minds are
impressionable. They learn and remember lessons
well as young kids, and parents should never miss
an opportunity for a teachable moment. For many,
those opportunities are lost as they insist upon a
rigid schedule in the home, or they use the home as
an extension of the office, never leaving it
behind.

I've often wondered if parents who bring their work
home with them, who make calls and exchange emails,
really find their work so important that it
intrudes upon their family life. Are they really
that overworked?

There were other lessons I learned from Mr. Rogers.
I learned that talking softly, not yelling, gets
results. Many TV parents in the days of early
television used soft voices. It was a lesson I
absorbed without even realizing it.

Using a soft voice worked in my home. I discovered
it worked with other children as well. Whispering
really made kids pay attention, I learned.

When my son was just a toddler, I changed careers
and worked in day care so that he could interact
with other children while I was close by. In Texas,
I was a day care director. But when we moved to
Florida, only teacher positions were available.

At one day care center, I was assigned a class of
what the owners termed, "unruly 3-year olds." Those
little darlings managed to run off three teachers
in six months. One of the teachers quit after just
one day.

A few hours after leaving me with my charges, who
were running around wildly when I first entered the
classroom, the assistant director decided to check
on me. None of the little darlings had been sent to
the office since I arrived, something highly
unusual I learned. She feared they had tied me
up.

Imagine her surprise when she entered the classroom
and discovered all eighteen children sitting at
tables and drawing and coloring as instructed. She
was curious, all right. She drew me aside and asked
what I had done to transform the noisy children.


I smiled and told her that I merely sat in a chair
with other chairs arranged in a semi-circle around
me and started to whisper. One by one, the children
stopped what they were doing and came to find out
what they were missing. Using a soft voice
worked.

There were other lessons from early television. We
learned about the importance of family
communication, of family dinners where everyone
could share what went on in their lives. We learned
that if parents disagree, they should show a united
front and disagree behind closed doors. We learned
about respect and love.

My son giggles at black and white shows on Nick at
Nite and asks if the world was really like that. It
was. Children played outside, climbed trees, roller-
skated, played with marbles. They used cardboard
boxes to build forts and had "boys only" or "girls
only" clubhouses. Staying indoors was considered a
rainy day activity or a punishment.

The TV shows then probably depicted the average or
just a bit above average home, in terms of family
love and expression of it. Sure, there were some
shows that showed an uglier side of life. Those
were the soap operas, and when they started on TV
they were only 15-minute shows, aired during the
day when only moms and really young children might
be near. TV producers would have never aired those
shows after school or in early evening hours. And
viewers wouldn't have wanted it to be.

But somewhere along the line, things began to
change. I heard one TV executive say that when
prayer was taken from schools, it released him from
making mention to it in television programs too.
Good point.

The question comes to mind, "Which came first, the
chicken or the egg?" Did our television programming
change because people changed, or were people
changed by changes in that industry?

I do know that little by little, the TV producers
became braver. They tried a show that went truly
overboard for the times, in terms of bigotry. And
people laughed.

Movies started using a rating system, allowing them
to create movies that depicted the seamier sides of
life, for adults to view. Looking back, I find that
rather funny. Where I lived, adults very rarely
went to the movies. But teens sneaked into the
drive-ins, hidden in back seats and trunks, just so
they could see "Whatever Happened to the Naked
Lady."

Music changed too. Instead of love and lost love,
drugs were introduced as a theme. Country Western
music went from "I Fall to Pieces," to the topics
of drinking too much beer and leaving the wife.

And with each change in these industries, changes
occurred in the family structure. Which came first?
Were we truly affected by the changes in music, in
movies, in TV shows? Of course we were.

Any time we subject ourselves to something over and
over again, it affects us in ways we probably don't
realize. If we read good literature and classics,
it blesses us. And if we insist on putting
negatives, crime, drugs into our lives on a regular
basis by watching them on TV or reading about them
or hearing lyrics about such things, these things
are no longer foreign to us. They are no longer
strange to us. They become a part of everyday
life.

The extensive coverage of the war right now is a
good example of how this happens. Everyone was in
shock to see the devastation that resulted when
the "shock and awe" program began. As those
pictures were shown over and over again, they
became less shocking.

Our minds learn from everything around us - whether
visual, audible or tactile. My son, while still in
the womb, used to kick like crazy to certain
classical music. As a toddler, when I played that
same music, he took up magic markers and a large
piece of poster board and created his first work of
art. He was inspired, and I tend to think it was
because of the memory of that music he heard before
he was even born.

There's a week in April when everyone is urged to
turn off his or her TV for a week. My son and I
usually participate, turning off TV, radio, videos
and game systems during that week. We read, visit
museums, play board games, sometimes just spend
time talking during that week. If we feel the need
for news, we read it in the daily newspaper. If the
house seems too quiet, we do acquiesce. But we'll
put classical or soft mood music on in the
background.

That week without news and entertainment bombarding
my brain is always refreshing. I've learned that
Judge Amy doesn't need me watching her courtroom,
and I don't need reminded of what happens in
juvenile justice system.

If only we could continue the noise black-out after
the week is over. But music and TV will creep into
our lives once more. And, yes, it will continue to
influence us.

© Copyright 2003 Marilyn Mackenzie